Conflict
The argument that becomes about the argument
Meta-conflict consumes the time available and resolves nothing, and it has a small number of recognisable entry points.
Conflict
Fighting fair, stonewalling, and what to do at eleven at night.
Conflict
Fighting about nothing
Disproportionate conflict over trivial subjects usually has a small number of ordinary causes, most of them physiological.
Conflict
When one of you wants to fix it and the other wants space
A common mismatch in how people recover from conflict, and it is negotiable once it is named.
Conflict
Apologising to a partner
The components of an effective apology are identifiable, and the domestic version fails in a small number of predictable ways.
Conflict
Arguing in front of children
The research distinguishes between kinds of conflict rather than between its presence and absence, and the distinction is useful.
Conflict
When one person always concedes
An apparently harmonious relationship in which disagreements always resolve the same way is storing something.
Conflict
Contempt, and why it is the one to watch
Of the corrosive conflict behaviours, one is consistently identified as the most damaging, and it is the easiest to slip into.
Conflict
The argument you have every few months
Perpetual problems are a normal feature of long relationships, and the objective is a workable relationship to them rather than a resolution.
Conflict
Repair attempts, and why they matter more than the argument
The small moves that de-escalate a conflict are unimpressive individually and appear to do most of the work.
Conflict
The pursue and withdraw loop
One of the most reliably observed patterns in distressed couples, and both halves of it are individually reasonable.
Conflict
Fighting fair when you are actually angry
Advice written for calm people is not usable at the point it is needed, and the physiological research suggests a different approach.
Conflict
The argument that is never about what it is about
Recurring disputes over trivial matters generally carry a second subject, and identifying it is more useful than resolving the trivial one.