Okay wow. Discipline vs punishment is one of those things I thought I had figured out until I actually had to parent a real human child who has opinions and a decent throwing arm.
Right now I’m sitting in my kitchen in Rajasthan heat (fan on full blast making that annoying click every rotation), it’s like 4:30 pm and there’s still a half-eaten plate of aloo paratha from lunch staring at me like it knows I’m about to confess how bad I used to be at this.
I used to be that parent who thought “big punishment = big lesson”. Take Fortnite kid from 2023 again. He yeets the Switch because “five more minutes” wasn’t granted. I go full dictator mode: month-long ban, no TV, no friends over, basically house arrest minus the cool ankle bracelet. Felt powerful for maybe 90 seconds. Then I had three weeks of a child who wouldn’t speak to me except to say “whatever” in the most lethal monotone possible. We were both walking on eggshells in our own house. That wasn’t discipline vs punishment. That was just punishment winning and relationship losing.
I’ve read better stuff since then. The links below actually changed how I think (and fail less often).
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7988266/ https://www.positivediscipline.com/what-is-positive-discipline/
What Punishment Usually Achieves (Mostly Bad Shit)
- Kids get really good at hiding stuff
- They learn “don’t piss mom/dad off” instead of “this choice sucks for other people”
- Trust takes a hit (I still feel the silence sometimes)
- Behavior often gets worse when you’re not watching
I still catch myself wanting to go nuclear when I’m tired. Like yesterday I almost said “that’s it, no iPad till you’re 30” because someone left wet towel on my bed again. Caught myself. Barely.
Stuff That Actually Kinda Works (Most Days Anyway)
Logical Consequences Instead of Random Pain
Broke the screen protector on purpose? Cool, you’re buying the next one with pocket money or extra chores. No screaming required. Hurts their wallet more than my yelling ever did.
Free Stock Photo of Person Taking a Picture With a Cell Phone …
Connection Before I Try to Fix Anything
This one feels fake when I’m mad but god damn it works. I literally count to seven in my head, get low, touch an arm or shoulder, say something normal like “bro that scared me when you threw the controller.” Sounds dumb. Reduces explosion size by like 70%.
Actually Fixing the Mess Together
After I lose my cool (still happens every 10–14 days), I have to go back later and say “Hey I yelled because I was stressed about work and I took it out on you. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry. You okay?” Feels cringy. Also feels necessary.
The Ugly Fridge Chart We Actually Use
We have this hideous piece of paper stuck with old magnets:
- Screens off at 9 pm → charger basket or it disappears till morning
- Homework before Roblox or Roblox gets 30 min less tomorrow
- Break something = help pay to fix it or do jobs
I forget to enforce it maybe twice a week. Still better than the old 0% follow-through rate.
The Stuff I’m Still Terrible At
Sarcasm when exhausted. Check. Threatening insane punishments I immediately regret. Check. Feeling secretly jealous when other parents post perfect obedient kids on Instagram while mine is currently debating whether pants are negotiable. Double check.
