Let’s get one thing straight: talking about common marriage problems feels about as fun as scraping old gum off my shoe right now, which, by the way, is a Converse covered in my toddler’s sidewalk chalk dust. I’m sitting in my Ohio backyard, listening to my neighbor’s obnoxiously loud lawnmower (Dave, I see you), and wondering how my marriage hasn’t imploded from the sheer, breathtaking dailiness of it all. Seriously.
I’m no expert. I’m a person who once gave my husband the silent treatment for three days because he used the “good” scissors to cut a zip tie. But from this specific, crumb-filled trench of matrimony, here’s my brutally honest take on the marriage problems we all face and the janky, imperfect ways we’ve tried to solve them. Fast-ish.
1. The Communication Black Hole (It’s Not What You Think)
We’ve all heard “communicate better!” until we want to scream. For us, the Common Marriage Problems wasn’t not talking. It was talking in code, or worse, in resentful, sigh-filled monologues.
- My Flawed Fix: We instituted the “Dumb Phone Rule.” Every night after 8 PM, if we need to discuss something real—not “did you pay the water bill?” but “I felt ignored today”—we have to put our smartphones in another room and talk using our old, cracked Kindle Fire. It’s clunky. The battery dies. It forces brevity and cuts the performative scrolling. It’s stupid. It works.
2. Money: The Silent Scorekeeper
Ugh, financial stress. Our biggest fight ever was over a $12 charge for Hulu Premium. Common Marriage Problems I wish I was kidding. The problem was never the amount; it was the story we each told ourselves. He saw convenience; I saw frivolity.
- My Flawed Fix: We don’t have a joint account for everything. Chaos, I know! We have a joint account for bills, and then our own “guilt-free” accounts. My money buys my weird artisan pickles and impulse Target throws. His buys his video game skins. No questions asked. It removed the scorekeeping. A great resource on this mindset is The Financial Diet’s approach to “yours, mine, and ours”, which made me feel less like a financial rebel.
3. The Intimacy Ice Age
Not just sex. I’m talking about the chilling lack of touch. We’d become two polite roommates passing in the hall. I’d flinch if his hand brushed mine unloading the dishwasher. That’s a terrifying marriage problem to admit.
- My Flawed Fix: The “Six-Second Kiss.” A therapist friend mentioned it and I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my brain. But the rule is: it has to last six full seconds. No pecking. It’s agonizingly long at first, and then… it’s not. It resets something primal. It’s a pause button on the chaos. Sometimes it leads to more. Often it just leads to a smirk and “okay, that was weird.” Good enough.
When You’re Just… Roommates
This is the subset of the Ice Age. You co-parent, you co-habitate, but the spark is less a flame and more a dead pilot light. We scheduled “us” time and then promptly fell asleep on the couch. The fix that kind of worked? Doing a mundane task together, but differently. We started baking bread every Sunday. It’s physical, it has a clear start and finish, and you get to eat the result. The shared, tangible accomplishment built a tiny bridge back.
4. The Parenting Tug-of-War
I’m the strict one. He’s the fun one. This created a huge problem in our marriage because our kid became a tiny, manipulative CEO playing us off each other. My advice was trash until I read something from The Gottman Institute about building a shared family culture. It wasn’t about agreeing on every punishment, but presenting a united front.
- My Flawed Fix: We now have a “tag out” rule. If one parent is in the deep end of a tantrum (over, say, why grapes are round), the other can tag in with zero criticism. The first parent has to walk away. It prevents the “good cop/bad cop” dynamic and saves our sanity.
5. The Chore Wars: A Saga in Resentment
I became a martyr about the dishes. He became a ghost about the laundry. We were keeping mental ledgers, and let me tell you, my ledger was full. This is the most petty of common marriage issues, and also the one that breeds the most seething anger.
- My Flawed Fix: We stopped trying to be “equal” and aimed for “equitable.” We listed all the mental and physical chores and chose our own circles of hell. He now owns all things trash and car. I own all things schedule and grocery. We trade off the hated ones. Do I sometimes seethe taking out the recycling because it’s “his” job? Yes. But then I remember I haven’t thought about an oil change in three years, and I breathe.
6. The Drift (When You Grow… Apart)
We got married at 25. We’re different people at 40. His hobbies bore me. My passions baffle him. This problem in a marriage feels existential. The fix isn’t forcing shared hobbies; it’s cultivating curiosity.
- My Flawed Fix: I now ask him one question about his video game storyline per week. He asks me one question about the true crime podcast I’m obsessed with. We listen to the answer. We don’t have to care. But we have to witness the other person’s joy. It’s a discipline of attention.
7. The In-Law / External Stress Vortex
My mother-in-law’s “helpful” comments used to live rent-free in my head for weeks. We’d fight about her, not about us. External stress leaking into your marriage is a brutal common problem.
- My Flawed Fix: We established the “Vegas Rule.” What happens with our families, stays between us and them. We do not triangulate our spouse. He handles his mom. I handle my dad. We present decisions as a united “we.” It builds a fortress around our partnership. Took years to enforce. Still hard.
