Like, Raising Emotionally yesterday I screamed “WE DO NOT THROW IPADS WHEN WE’RE MAD” and then immediately realized — oh cool, I just modeled the exact opposite of emotional regulation. Classic me.But anyway. After approximately 47 parenting books, several humiliating toddler-meltdown-in-Target incidents, and one very awkward Zoom call where my five-year-old announced “Mommy’s heart is feeling grumpy today,” I’ve cobbled together eight habits that actually seem to move the needle. Most days. When the coffee is strong enough.
Here they are — straight from my chaotic kitchen table in the US, surrounded by Goldfish crumbs and half-finished feelings charts.
1. Naming Feelings Out Loud (Even When It Feels Cringey AF)
The very first habit for raising emotionally intelligent kids that actually stuck for us was just saying the emotion word — no fixing, no “but you shouldn’t feel that way,” just naming it.
I’ll be honest: at first it felt fake as hell. “Wow, you look super frustrated right now.” Kid: glares Me: internally screaming “this is stupid why am I doing this”
But then something shifted. Around week three my son started saying “I’m feeling jealous” instead of just body-slamming his little sister. Small win, huge dopamine hit.
Dr. John Gottman’s research on emotion coaching is basically the bible here → The Gottman Institute – Emotion Coaching
Tips for engaging with parents and caregivers
(The shift — calmer, more connected moment when the words actually start coming out)
How Parent Collaboration Boosts Pediatric Therapy Outcomes
2. The Feelings Jar (Yes, It’s Basic but It Works)
We literally just reuse an old spaghetti sauce jar. Whenever someone feels something big, we scribble it on a Post-it and toss it in.
Embarrassing confession: half the notes are mine. “Overwhelmed because laundry mountain is winning again.” “Anxious the world is ending but pretending it’s fine for the kids.”
Seeing my own messy feelings in the jar next to my kid’s “I was mad when the blue cup was dirty” somehow normalizes everything. Raising Emotionally We pull one out at dinner sometimes and talk about it. Chaos ensues. Good chaos.
More on this simple-but-powerful tool → Understood.org – How to Create a Feelings Jar
3. Pausing Before I Snap (Still Failing 60% of the Time)
Raising emotionally intelligent kids means I have to — ugh — regulate myself first. The 10-second breath trick sounds like Pinterest nonsense until you’re about to lose it over spilled apple juice for the third time today.
I count to ten in my head while clenching my jaw so hard I’ll probably need Botox at 38. Sometimes I still yell. But more often now I manage to say, “I’m feeling really activated right now, give me a sec,” and walk to the pantry like an adult.
Emotion Regulation | Orange County Drug and Alcohol Rehab
4. Letting Them See Me Apologize (The Humiliating but Necessary Habit)
Nothing teaches emotional repair like watching your parent eat crow.
Last Tuesday I snapped at my daughter over something tiny. Five minutes later I crouched down, looked her in the eyes and said, “Hey, I’m really sorry I yelled earlier. That wasn’t okay and I’m working on using my calm voice even when I’m upset.”
She hugged me and whispered, “It’s okay Mommy, sometimes my voice gets loud too.”
I almost cried into her hair. Highly recommend the cringe.
Great article on modeling repair → Big Little Feelings – The Power of Repair
[Insert placeholder: Mid-article image #2] A candid, warm-but-imperfect shot: parent and child sitting on the floor surrounded by scattered LEGOs, both making exaggerated sorry faces at each other. The parent is mid-eye-roll but smiling. Sunlight coming through blinds makes stripes across their faces. Slightly chaotic, very human.
5. Asking “What’s the Kindest Thing You Can Do for Yourself Right Now?”
This question has saved so many tantrums.
My four-year-old now sometimes answers “I need a hug” or “I want my blankie.” Sometimes he still screams “NOTHING!!!” and flings himself on the couch, but at least the question plants the seed.
Works on me too when I’m spiraling about bills or the news or whatever fresh hell 2026 is serving.
6. Reading Emotion-Heavy Picture Books (Our Current Obsession)
We’ve been rotating these five like they’re on heavy rotation:
- The Rabbit Listened – Tucker just wants someone to listen
- In My Heart: A Book of Feelings – literal feelings map
- The Color Monster – separates feelings into colors (genius)
- Grumpy Monkey – sometimes you’re just allowed to be grumpy
- Today I Feel Silly – validates the whole rollercoaster
Pro tip: read them when everyone’s calm, not mid-meltdown.
Book list inspiration → Zero to Three – Books That Support Emotional Development
7. Creating a “Calm Corner” (That We Actually Use)
Ours is literally a beanbag, a fairy-light strand I stole from Christmas, and a basket of squishies and headphones. No Instagram aesthetic points. It’s ugly and it works.
When someone needs space we say “You can go to the calm corner if you want — I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
Sometimes I go there too. No judgment.
8. Celebrating Tiny Emotional Wins Like They’re Oscars
He used words instead of hitting? Confetti (aka ripped-up tissue paper). She named her feeling before throwing the block? High-five chain.
We look ridiculous. We don’t care.
Wrapping this up because my coffee is cold and someone just yelled “MOM HE TOUCHED MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!”
