Right now I’m sitting in my messy apartment in [insert generic mid-sized US city because I move too much], there’s an empty LaCroix can sweating on my coffee table, my dog just farted, and I’m still thinking about the guy last month who laughed when I admitted I practiced my “casual laugh” in the mirror before he picked me up. True story. Embarrassing? Yes. Effective? Weirdly yes.
So here’s my very flawed, very American, currently caffeinated take on first date tips for women that have legitimately increased my second-date hit rate from like 20% to… okay maybe 60% on a good streak. No guru nonsense. Just things I’ve learned after too many awkward silences and one particularly tragic eyelash glue incident.
Why Most First Date Advice for Women Feels Fake to Me
Everyone says “be yourself” but like… which version? First Date Tips The version that cries during dog commercials or the version that can name every Supreme Court justice since 1986? (Both are me. Both have scared men away and also charmed them. It’s chaos.)
I think the real first date advice for women should be: be the most relaxed-but-still-interested version of yourself that doesn’t require a personality lobotomy.
For deeper reading I really like this piece from The Gottman Institute on building connection early → https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-make-a-great-first-impression-on-a-date/
My Top 7 First Date Tips for Women (That Actually Got Me Second Dates)
1. The Outfit Rule I Swear By Now
Wear something cute that you’ve worn at least twice before. I used to buy brand-new dresses and then spend the whole date worried about pit stains or wardrobe malfunctions. Last time I wore my favorite black jeans + this silky green top I’ve had since 2019 and suddenly I wasn’t fidgeting every five seconds. Comfort = confidence = better flirting.
Also pro tip: have one “date perfume” you only wear on first dates. Pavlov yourself into feeling sexy. Mine’s currently Jo Malone Peony & Blush Suede and every time I smell it I’m like “oh we’re doing this.”
2. Ask Questions… But Make Them Slightly Weird
Normal: “What do you do?” Better: “What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done for a job?”
I asked a guy “If your life was a reality show what would the title be?” and we talked for 40 minutes straight about terrible reality TV pitches. He texted me at 2 a.m. saying he still couldn’t stop laughing.
More conversation starters that aren’t boring → https://www.scienceofpeople.com/first-date-questions/
3. The Phone Move That Changed Everything
I put my phone face-down and say (out loud, to him): “Alright phone, you’re on silent and in jail for the next two hours unless someone is literally bleeding.”
It’s cheesy. It works. Every single time the guy has laughed and then also put his phone away. Instant vibe shift.
4. Touch Early (But Not Creepy Early)
Light arm graze when laughing. Hand on his forearm for one second when making a point. First Date Tips I used to be terrified of this but once I started doing it intentionally my second-date rate jumped like crazy. Men read it as “she’s comfortable” and mirror it back.
Important: only if you actually feel comfortable. Forced touching is worse than no touching.
5. The “Slightly Vulnerable” Share That Isn’t Too Much
Somewhere between appetizer and main course I usually drop one tiny embarrassing-but-charming fact.
Examples I’ve used:
- “I once got so nervous on a date I accidentally called the waiter ‘babe’.”
- “I practiced saying your name in different accents in my car before I got here… don’t ask.”
- “I’m secretly obsessed with true crime and now I know way too much about how not to get murdered on dates.”
They laugh. They feel safe to share something dumb too. Connection skyrockets.
6. End on a High + Leave Him Wanting More
Do NOT stay until the restaurant closes. Do NOT split the check if he offered to pay (unless you genuinely want 50/50). Do the little hug / cheek kiss / whatever feels natural… then bounce while you’re both still smiling.
I used to linger forever and the energy would fizzle. Now I say “This was really fun — text me when you get home safe?” and dip. 80% of the time the “I’m home” text turns into “So when’s round two?”
7. The Post-Date Text I Always Send (Works Shockingly Well)
Within 45 minutes I send something short and specific:
“Still laughing about the [tiny detail he said]. Thanks for tonight — hope your Uber driver didn’t quiz you on your star sign like mine did 😂”
Personal. Playful. Low pressure. Almost always gets a quick reply.
