Subtle signs of emotional abuse were happening right under my nose for like almost three years and I kept telling myself “nah this is normal, everyone fights, I’m probably the dramatic one.” I’m typing this right now from my couch in the US with cold feet because the heater is acting up again and my coffee went cold twenty minutes ago and honestly that kinda feels like a metaphor.
1. The endless “you’re too sensitive / you’re overreacting” script
Every damn time I showed hurt he’d hit me with “you always take everything the wrong way” or “Jesus you’re so sensitive lately aren’t you?” I started saying sorry for crying about stuff that actually hurt—like when he told his buddies I was “high-maintenance” as a joke and everyone laughed except me. I went and hid in the bathroom thinking maybe I really was the problem. Spoiler: I wasn’t.
Free girl crying photos | Hippopx
For more on why invalidation is so destructive check this out from Psychology Today → https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/toxic-relationships/202108/the-destructive-power-invalidation
2. He literally rewrote what happened five minutes ago
“I never said that.” “But I have the text right here—” “You’re twisting my words again, typical.” I started screenshotting conversations like I was collecting evidence for court. That should’ve been a neon sign saying subtle signs of emotional abuse but nope, I just thought I had bad memory.
3. “Compliments” that feel like backhanded slaps
“You’d be hot if you lost like 10 pounds.” “Thanks for dinner, it’s… edible I guess lol.” “You’re actually kinda smart when you try.” I laughed. Every time. Like a clown. I hate that I did that.
4. Sulking when you see friends or family
Not big yelling matches—that would’ve been easier to point at. Just this heavy silence and passive aggressive texts while I was out: “cool enjoy your friends I guess I’ll just be here alone.” Then when I came home he’d ice me out for 36–48 hours. I started cancelling brunches and game nights just to avoid the fallout. That’s how isolation sneaks in.
E- LEARNING TRAINING COURSE FOR E-LEARNING DESIGNERS AND VET KEY …
5. Silent treatment weaponized
Not an hour. Sometimes three days. I’d say hi after work, get nothing. He’d sit there scrolling TikTok like I was invisible. I’d spend the whole night anxious, replaying every word I said that day trying to figure out what I did. Silence can scream louder than yelling sometimes.
6. Keeping score like it’s the damn Olympics
“I took the trash out Monday AND Wednesday so you can handle it tonight.” Meanwhile if I did laundry, dishes, groceries, emotional labor—he forgot it existed five minutes later. Everything became a transaction.
7. My good news somehow became a problem
Got a small pay raise → “so I guess you don’t need me anymore huh?” Made a new friend → “you’re changing, I don’t even know you anymore.” Every time I grew a little he acted like it threatened him.
8. Fake apologies that fix nothing
“I’m sorry you got upset.” “Sorry if that hurt your feelings.” Never “I’m sorry I said that cruel thing.” Always my fault for having the feeling.
9. You feel more tired after being around them than after a 12-hour shift
Not normal tired. Like soul-empty, “why do I feel worse after cuddling on the couch” tired. I thought it was depression or long covid or something until I spent a solo weekend at my sister’s and realized I could breathe again.
10. You’ve slowly erased pieces of yourself
I stopped wearing the bright sweaters he called “clown clothes.” Stopped telling funny stories because he’d roll his eyes halfway through. Stopped talking about wanting to travel because he’d say “yeah right with what money.” I shrank. Quietly. For years.
Look… I’m not some perfect survivor who figured it all out and now I’m healed and zen. But at least I stopped calling it “normal.”
