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Shalini Kapoor Sagar: “We’re best friends first…”

Shalini Kapoor Sagar talks about falling in love, marriage to Sagar family scion Rohit Sagar and spirituality… a few excerpts.

How long have you been married? How did you meet?

We had a love marriage. It’s been a beautiful journey of 9 years. We were working together for a series for BR Films and that’s where we met. It wasn’t love at first sight. We met as friends and continued as such without realising how close we had become. We used to discuss everything… even when I was considering marriage prospects with some other guy who proposed.
We were such good friends that even jealousy never cropped up between us. Then one day my father pointed out that when we were so compatible, we should consider marriage. But even today, we are more best friends first, spouses later.

What are two qualities that you like the most in your husband?

He’s a doting husband and a fantastic father.
Also, we both share a mutual liking for being spiritual. We spend a lot of time together because of our common passion for Pranic healing. We bond over tea on discussions about this. We go for discourses and camps together. Rohit has completed the fourth level in Pranic healing, while I have completed the second level – he is the best person for me to reach and clarify all my doubts.

Do you know how beautiful it is to relate to someone as a lover, a friend and one who becomes kind of your guru too…and yes, a life companion, of course?

This exercise of togetherness gives us so much pleasure and enhances our relationship. We feel nice to see that we are growing together towards spirituality.

What are the biggest strengths of your relationship?

We are so transparent to one another that if I find a guy hot or have a crush on him, I can discuss that too with him.
And he can share the same with me. I married my best friend.
A marriage is an amalgamation of two people with different identities coming together and hence disagreements are bound to happen; in fact, arguments can be a healthy part of a relationship. Both of us have individual mentalities and hence it is possible that we may have differences of opinion on various topics. But we see to it that we take a step towards each other – so that I understand his point and he understands my point. We are committed to the idea of staying together despite all odds.

How does your relationship compare with your parents’ marriage?

My dad and mom used to make up immediately after a disagreement. They always agreed to disagree, but their disagreements never lasted long. They never made fighting an all-day affair and never went to bed angry with each other. And because I grew up watching an ideal marriage like my parents’, it has been easy for me to replicate the same in our relationship.

Rohit offers me complete support in bringing up our daughter, unlike my father who used to bank more upon my mom for the upbringing of children.

For instance, in the mornings before leaving for my shoot and Rohit leaving for his work, I make breakfast and tiffin for Aadyya, Rohit sets her school bag and bottle. He’s never said that because I’m the mother I have to take care of particular things. He tells her stories, takes her out for various classes, to malls or wherever she wants to go and if I am late from shoots, Rohit also sees to it that she finishes her homework.

How do you deal with past relationships?

We are very open about our past relationships. I feel it all depends on what note you left your relationship when you broke up. For some people the relationships end on a very bitter note. After the relationship ends, many people try to get even with the exes – they try to take revenge. My ex and I of course never left at that note – we broke up but it was very mutual.
Rohit and his ex had left one another mutually. I even joke with Rohit whenever he goes to Delhi (where his ex lives), “Why don’t you give her a call?” It’s just being very honest and being good friends – and not just husband and wife. We keep reminding each other that we are friends first and then husband and wife.
If you both have moved on in life and are happy now, then you can surely be friends and exchange a warm hello once in a while – as long as it doesn’t affect your spouse.

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